I wake in the dark he is near
My hand glances over his skin
He reaches for me and we embrace
Kissing, touching, holding not wanting to let go
He rises. I wait, he returns, we embrace
He holds me we sway
He leaves and I start my day
Shades of green; shades of gold
Glistening in the sunlight;
Dancing leavings falling seeds
Songs of birds melodious
Chatter of the earth
Summer’s glory
Warm in the sun
The morning light is low in the hemisphere
Casting shadows long and wide
Mornings wonder on summer's front
Dancing leaves, glistening sunlight
Life abounds
Puppies sniffing the bear that's near
Song of the earth is clear in my ear
Song of the soul is crying to me
My heart is full and my yen complete
Smell the air and all it possesses
Hints of the summers long past
The river that perpetually runs
Bright and green on this summer day
Overwhelmed by feelings
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Deer Crossing
The deer adore Casa de Pajaro and spend their days eating the green grass, nibling on fallen fruit and lounging in the shade of the ancient trees. They are still afraid of people, but less leary of me when I am alone. The doe will come between me and her babies, but she won't run unless I am moving toward her. Right now they are in my driveway, eating around the tulip tree and unnaturally close. I talk to her whenever I see her in hopes that she will not fear me, but its probably not a good idea. I shouldn't worry though, as the doe appears wiser than me.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
First Kiss
he watches her face
studies the line
gazes into her eyes
caresses her lips
she breathes in his kiss
feels the warmth
sways with his body
safe in his arms
the embrace is close
the kiss unacquainted
yet easy, natural
hands clasped enchanted
he moans moving closer
sensual and alluring
she explores his mouth
yet knows they must part
he starts for the door
stopping to kiss again
stirring feelings
reluctantly fingertips unjoin
Laura
studies the line
gazes into her eyes
caresses her lips
she breathes in his kiss
feels the warmth
sways with his body
safe in his arms
the embrace is close
the kiss unacquainted
yet easy, natural
hands clasped enchanted
he moans moving closer
sensual and alluring
she explores his mouth
yet knows they must part
he starts for the door
stopping to kiss again
stirring feelings
reluctantly fingertips unjoin
Laura
Please Excuse Laura . . .
I have not been posting to this blog because I am dating. That is so lame. I cannot even sell myself on this excuse, but the truth is that I am dating and it does take some time.
I can already hear the questions, "what do you mean you're dating?" Okay, I will explain.
Last year my cousins Wendy and Teresa convinced me to try an online dating service. So I joined Match.com. I went on about nine or ten dates in the course of two months. There was only one guy I would have wanted to see again, and he clearly was not interested in me. He was courteous, but when he walked me to the my car I felt like threw me in the car and couldn't get away quick enough. (Was it that bad?) The most discouraging part of the whole process was having a blind date with someone I would never talk to in a bar - never - and proving to myself that I was right about who I am attracted to and who attracts me.
So, I got discouraged and quit looking at the site and answering the online winks. I got busy with the holidays and really didn't think about dating until after the new year, but then Mom called and said she was selling the house, yes this house, Casa de Pajaro, and my world went into a tail spin until I figured out how to buy this house and move from San Diego. When I was preparing to move, I did an online search of the Oroville area on Match.ocm to see who was online and if there was anyone interesting. I didn't find anyone in particular, but after my search one person wrote to me. Since we lived more that 500 miles apart, we wrote to one another, but did not immediately meet. We had a good rapport, but I was not sure about the guy as he was nine years older than me, making him an old guy, and he seemed way too conservative, which is not a good match.
So, when I arrived in Oroville, we met. He looked better in person than he had in his pictures, and I was at first encouraged. We went to see a comedy show and had time for much conversation. There I learned that all of my suspicions were right about him. He was way too conservative politically and otherwise. I felt like I was with my dad. On the flip side, he didn't like me any better. How do I know this? Well, he didn't call me back.
Within days I had a date with another fellow. A guy from Paradise. While not particularly attractive, I kept telling myself that I should keep an open mind and remember that I am no longer the as beautiful as I was at 20. When we met, again, I was surprised that he looked better in person. I think a lot of people are not very photogenic. And, he was very liberal - and this encouraged me. We had a great conversation and a really long date, but I am not sure about the physical connection. We hugged to say goodbye and it was a bit awkward, but I think that is often natural on a first date.
He told me right then and there at my car that he liked me and wanted to see me again. The next day he called and we had a long conversation that was again very easy. We were trying to set up a second date, he was getting ready to go out of town on business and I was getting ready for the family reunion. We talked daily until he went out of town at which time he said to me that it would be easier for him to call me while he was gone. He never did. Oh, after awhile, I wrote an email to him asking him what happened, but he never replied.
Now when you've only gone on one date and had a few conversations, it is very hard to feel hurt when you get dumped, but I just can't get over the fact that there is no communication. I don't understand why he didn't write to me and say something like "nice knowing you, but . . ." or "sorry, you are not my type" or "I met someone". It seems like the courteous thing to do, but rarely does anyone take the time in the online world.
I went out with another guy, who from his profile seemed most perfect. Loved coffee houses, books, cooking and he even loved to shop. Can you imagine a man who loves to shop. And, he looked very handsome in his picture. We wrote a few emails, then talked on the phone. Conversation was very easy and effortless. I was encouraged to say the least. I asked him to meet me for coffee. I thought he was suggest some great little coffee house, but no. We met a Starbucks, which is alright, but disappointing nonetheless. I saw him in the parking lot in an older model BMW and I cringed a bit. It was not the car itself, just the whole image. I watched him wait a while until precisely the time we were to meet then he got out of the car and walked by my car. I then got out an followed.
I introduced myself inside Starbucks and we got our coffee. He is tall 6'2" and a pretty big guy, so I am pleased. We get our coffee drinks and he's complaining about how much space they didn't leave to put cream in the cup. Are you serious? This guy is too uptight I think to myself. Then we sit and he starts talking about the stock market - almost bragging about his investments and going on and on about how much he knows about the market. I kept up my end of the conversation for a while, but then confessed that talking about banking and stocks is just too much like work for me. I asked him about his family. He was critical of his grown children and the commented about the mother of his youngest as being very liberal. I said you know, I am liberal as well. He said yes, I read that in your profile.
Now, by then he had already made several comments which lead me to believe that he is a closet conservative. He called his political view point "Middle of the Road". I have noticed that the Middle of the Road people are generally just conservatives that are afraid to say so. But I just don't get it. Why would this guy want to go on a date with a liberal person and then go on and on about liberals like we are a pariah to society. By the time I left Starbucks my head was spinning and not because I was swooning. I was actually angry. I actually stopped at a bar and got a drink before I went home. I felt like I needed it so as to dispel the negative energy before returning to Casa de Pajaro.
Alas, I have found some dating success. I am seeing a nice fellow, tall slender, bearded free spirit. I don't know if we are a match, but there is definitely chemistry. And this guy is a terrific kisser. I have not made out like I do with him since I was a teenager. Heavy petting, grinding, kissing and groping and kissing and reaching and breathing hard, moaning, okay, well you get the picture - we are definitely having a good time. We shall see where it leads, but for now its very nice to have someone to kiss.
I can already hear the questions, "what do you mean you're dating?" Okay, I will explain.
Last year my cousins Wendy and Teresa convinced me to try an online dating service. So I joined Match.com. I went on about nine or ten dates in the course of two months. There was only one guy I would have wanted to see again, and he clearly was not interested in me. He was courteous, but when he walked me to the my car I felt like threw me in the car and couldn't get away quick enough. (Was it that bad?) The most discouraging part of the whole process was having a blind date with someone I would never talk to in a bar - never - and proving to myself that I was right about who I am attracted to and who attracts me.
So, I got discouraged and quit looking at the site and answering the online winks. I got busy with the holidays and really didn't think about dating until after the new year, but then Mom called and said she was selling the house, yes this house, Casa de Pajaro, and my world went into a tail spin until I figured out how to buy this house and move from San Diego. When I was preparing to move, I did an online search of the Oroville area on Match.ocm to see who was online and if there was anyone interesting. I didn't find anyone in particular, but after my search one person wrote to me. Since we lived more that 500 miles apart, we wrote to one another, but did not immediately meet. We had a good rapport, but I was not sure about the guy as he was nine years older than me, making him an old guy, and he seemed way too conservative, which is not a good match.
So, when I arrived in Oroville, we met. He looked better in person than he had in his pictures, and I was at first encouraged. We went to see a comedy show and had time for much conversation. There I learned that all of my suspicions were right about him. He was way too conservative politically and otherwise. I felt like I was with my dad. On the flip side, he didn't like me any better. How do I know this? Well, he didn't call me back.
Within days I had a date with another fellow. A guy from Paradise. While not particularly attractive, I kept telling myself that I should keep an open mind and remember that I am no longer the as beautiful as I was at 20. When we met, again, I was surprised that he looked better in person. I think a lot of people are not very photogenic. And, he was very liberal - and this encouraged me. We had a great conversation and a really long date, but I am not sure about the physical connection. We hugged to say goodbye and it was a bit awkward, but I think that is often natural on a first date.
He told me right then and there at my car that he liked me and wanted to see me again. The next day he called and we had a long conversation that was again very easy. We were trying to set up a second date, he was getting ready to go out of town on business and I was getting ready for the family reunion. We talked daily until he went out of town at which time he said to me that it would be easier for him to call me while he was gone. He never did. Oh, after awhile, I wrote an email to him asking him what happened, but he never replied.
Now when you've only gone on one date and had a few conversations, it is very hard to feel hurt when you get dumped, but I just can't get over the fact that there is no communication. I don't understand why he didn't write to me and say something like "nice knowing you, but . . ." or "sorry, you are not my type" or "I met someone". It seems like the courteous thing to do, but rarely does anyone take the time in the online world.
I went out with another guy, who from his profile seemed most perfect. Loved coffee houses, books, cooking and he even loved to shop. Can you imagine a man who loves to shop. And, he looked very handsome in his picture. We wrote a few emails, then talked on the phone. Conversation was very easy and effortless. I was encouraged to say the least. I asked him to meet me for coffee. I thought he was suggest some great little coffee house, but no. We met a Starbucks, which is alright, but disappointing nonetheless. I saw him in the parking lot in an older model BMW and I cringed a bit. It was not the car itself, just the whole image. I watched him wait a while until precisely the time we were to meet then he got out of the car and walked by my car. I then got out an followed.
I introduced myself inside Starbucks and we got our coffee. He is tall 6'2" and a pretty big guy, so I am pleased. We get our coffee drinks and he's complaining about how much space they didn't leave to put cream in the cup. Are you serious? This guy is too uptight I think to myself. Then we sit and he starts talking about the stock market - almost bragging about his investments and going on and on about how much he knows about the market. I kept up my end of the conversation for a while, but then confessed that talking about banking and stocks is just too much like work for me. I asked him about his family. He was critical of his grown children and the commented about the mother of his youngest as being very liberal. I said you know, I am liberal as well. He said yes, I read that in your profile.
Now, by then he had already made several comments which lead me to believe that he is a closet conservative. He called his political view point "Middle of the Road". I have noticed that the Middle of the Road people are generally just conservatives that are afraid to say so. But I just don't get it. Why would this guy want to go on a date with a liberal person and then go on and on about liberals like we are a pariah to society. By the time I left Starbucks my head was spinning and not because I was swooning. I was actually angry. I actually stopped at a bar and got a drink before I went home. I felt like I needed it so as to dispel the negative energy before returning to Casa de Pajaro.
Alas, I have found some dating success. I am seeing a nice fellow, tall slender, bearded free spirit. I don't know if we are a match, but there is definitely chemistry. And this guy is a terrific kisser. I have not made out like I do with him since I was a teenager. Heavy petting, grinding, kissing and groping and kissing and reaching and breathing hard, moaning, okay, well you get the picture - we are definitely having a good time. We shall see where it leads, but for now its very nice to have someone to kiss.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Watering Hole
When I was growing up we always had a pool. I had forgotten how many creatures will drink from your swimming pool until moving here to Casa de Pajaro. I have observed the deer drinking from the pool, squirrels, bird, insects and even bats. Yes bats. During the summer, the bats would glide down a drink from the pool about 9pm.
What is most amazing to me is that Olive, the cat now finds the swimming pool to be her big water dish as well. In the morning when I let her out of the house, she runs for the pool. She's learned to leverage her body with one leg on the side of the pool while the other leg is on the top. The water bowl with fresh water in the house now is untouched day after day.
What is most amazing to me is that Olive, the cat now finds the swimming pool to be her big water dish as well. In the morning when I let her out of the house, she runs for the pool. She's learned to leverage her body with one leg on the side of the pool while the other leg is on the top. The water bowl with fresh water in the house now is untouched day after day.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Middle Age
While walking to the end of the drive this morning to pick up the newspaper, it suddenly occurred to me that I am approaching one-half of my grandmother's final age. I will be 51 next month and Grandma lived to be 102. The realization immediately improved my mood. Now, I'm certainly not expecting to live to be 102, but with medicine what it is today (and tomorrow) it may make up for the abuse I have suffered my body over these first 51 years. So, why not?
I think I picked up my step a bit and I noticed that I was humming. It is so strange the way that the mind works. I had been a bit dispirited about the downward spiral feeling that I was way past middle age. And now, just possibly, if I live a clean life, exercise, diet and give up the booze, I could just be right at middle age. When I put it that way, I am not sure I am still feeling so good about this realization.
In all sincerity, its really amazing to realize that my grandmother lived 51 years beyond the 51 years that I have muddled through. She out lived her husband who was seven years her junior by 13 years and most of her 11 siblings who were all younger. Grandma had a great quality of life, living in her own home until she was 101. The catch here is that she really did live a so-called clean life. She didn't smoke, didn't drink, she worked hard and took lots of vitamins every day. Her only vice was strong black coffee.
Note to self: You can still drink the coffee!
I think I picked up my step a bit and I noticed that I was humming. It is so strange the way that the mind works. I had been a bit dispirited about the downward spiral feeling that I was way past middle age. And now, just possibly, if I live a clean life, exercise, diet and give up the booze, I could just be right at middle age. When I put it that way, I am not sure I am still feeling so good about this realization.
In all sincerity, its really amazing to realize that my grandmother lived 51 years beyond the 51 years that I have muddled through. She out lived her husband who was seven years her junior by 13 years and most of her 11 siblings who were all younger. Grandma had a great quality of life, living in her own home until she was 101. The catch here is that she really did live a so-called clean life. She didn't smoke, didn't drink, she worked hard and took lots of vitamins every day. Her only vice was strong black coffee.
Note to self: You can still drink the coffee!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Doe a Deer
Casa de Pajaro and the neighbors to the North host a deer family. There is a doe and her two bambinos. When I first arrived at the casa in June, the babies were very small, freckle-bottomed and less than two feet tall. Even the doe seems rather small to me. She is about the size of an Afgan hound. There are thickets where the deer are under cover all around Casa de Pajaro. They run to safety under the thicket when I approach.
The most remarkable thing thing happened when I arrived at Casa de Pajaro with my daughter who helped me make the move. The doe actively scoffed at my daughter when she unexpectedly came close to the fawns. The deer stompped and snorted and my daughter was shocked. We had always known deer to just run in the presence of humans. It is amazing what a mother will do to keep her children safe.
The fawns are much larger now, about double in size in three months and losing their spots. Their color is darkening as is the color of their mother. The light fawn color is now a dusky brown. These are more signs of the coming of fall. I wonder where the fawns will go and how long they will live here in the winter.
The most remarkable thing thing happened when I arrived at Casa de Pajaro with my daughter who helped me make the move. The doe actively scoffed at my daughter when she unexpectedly came close to the fawns. The deer stompped and snorted and my daughter was shocked. We had always known deer to just run in the presence of humans. It is amazing what a mother will do to keep her children safe.
The fawns are much larger now, about double in size in three months and losing their spots. Their color is darkening as is the color of their mother. The light fawn color is now a dusky brown. These are more signs of the coming of fall. I wonder where the fawns will go and how long they will live here in the winter.
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